Believe you can and will find your soul mate and a loving partner.

Or not…

The choice is yours. This video by Greg Braden brilliantly explains what I have found to be true for myself and my clients as a break-free fast coach. Be willing to do the inner work that comes with success with the Law of Attraction in love and in life because you will then vibrate and create spontaneous new beliefs.

Love pictures

Women: how to let men know you’re available:

Leave the Baggage Behind. If you are still pining  for your ex, have a conversation with the part of you that still feels the strong attachment. Focus on the negatives why you are no longer together. Better yet, take a piece of paper and write down some of the negative traits to remind you it’s time to move on. Was he controlling? Did he have a roving eye? A bit too jealous? You need to pull him off the pedestal he was on or the energy chords will keep you tied to him, despite what you think rationally.

Clear the path to love.

Bring the past to balance by acknowledging what you learned from the relationship – but stating firmly WHY IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON. EFT-tapping with Matrix Reimprinting is almost guaranteed to bring down your rate of emotional intensity about this – and other past relationships. Why? Our primitive brains are primed to stay connected to our past fear and pain.  This can go back to early childhood.

Trauma experts like Karl Dawson, Dr Robert Scaer and Dr Peter Levine will all enlighten you how humans have been culturally programmed to freeze trauma instead of discharging it like animals in the wild.  And this causes physical – and emotional – problems.

DO NOT WAX ON ABOUT YOUR EX ON DATES

No guy is going to want to hear about the one who broke your heart.  Stand in front of the mirror and repeat this while you look into your own eyes: “I am committed to breaking free – free to love someone new!” Then convey this vibration to your dates.  It truly works. People often perceive anyone in midlife as being married. And sometimes finding yourself divorced, widowed or separated after a long relationship, you don’t realize you are still sending out NOT AVAILABLE/HANDS-OFF signals as if you were still committed.

Cutting the cords that bind is an esoteric method of severing these emotional bonds to your ex – and I use it in my Break-Free Fast sessions with EFT-Matrix Reimprinting. You will be guaranteed to find it easy to let go and forgive after a consultation.

Then, having cleared the path to love emotionally and energetically, your next task is to revamp your mating signals and get active in the dating scene! Act as if you have the inbuilt energy of youngsters engaging in age-old courtship rituals. In other words fake it until you can make it.

Try this 2-step exercise which helps mimic a pheromone aura.

• Step 1 – Tune into a recognize your midlife aura: relax, pay attention to how all of your body feels.
• Step 2 – Create a pheromone aura: Imagine that you have gone back in time, and are in your early twenties. Visualize that you are with someone who you really care for. You are having a wonderful time. Pay attention to how all of your body feels. Notice your increased energy and sexual feelings. Your posture becomes more erect, your complexion glows and you smile easily. You move more sensuously. It’s a fabulous way to signal availability.

The best way to appear single is to consciously create a pheromone aura, dress with flair, and always wear makeup when you leave the house. Say hello, make eye contact and smile at everyone who crosses your path. Enjoy attracting men. If someone compliments you, smile and thank them. After all, you’re attractive and over 50!

Be interested:

Many women fear showing men any kind of interest because they’re afraid of looking desperate.

The opposite is true – men love women who are interested in them.

When you are signaling interest, you are friendly, smiling, and relaxed. You’re having fun, and you are not emotionally invested in the results of your conversation. Your body language is open. You have a brief interaction, but leave him wanting more. You linger at a distance, showing interest in something else, but available if he reconnects. He’ll be flattered, perhaps intrigued enough to want to get to know you better.

HEALTHY TO WANT LOVE

Pat yourself on the back for wanting to be in a relationship. It’s healthy and acceptable. Being able to openly look for love at midlife is a choice that many of our mothers never imagined.

How lucky we are to date at 50+ knowing how to CLEAR THE PATH TO LOVE, read the signals, do the inner Law of Attraction work, and then enjoy the journey to love!

In life you get two kinds of people – GIVERS and TAKERS.  Everybody wears one of two T-shirts. The Taker’s T-shirt has “What Can I Get?” written on the front. Givers have: “What Can I Do To Help?”

Who do YOU attract?

If you have a pattern so far in your relationships of attracting the Takers into your life – then know that is definitely a pattern you want to stop and say NO! to for the future. You need to ask the following question as set out in my Break-Free Fast Formula: “What set this up?  Who might I have learned this from?” And then use a clearing technique like Matrix Reimprinting using EFT to break free.

How to Break Free

In a Matrix Reimprinting session for example, you would look for the ECHOs or Energy Consciousness Holograms  in your past (your Younger Selves) who attracted or ended up with Takers. Then going back in time to your earliest years (in utero to age 6) you would check for the recognition of someone who reminds you of either the Giver or Taker and how you are repeating their pattern…your mother?  your father? or someone close to you who “taught you” by example to give, give, give.

Beware these Types

According to the gifted family psychotherapist Virginia Satir people often fall into five groups or categories: Levelers, Blamers, Placaters, Super-Reasonables and Distractors. As a woman looking for love and your true soul-mate, it is really useful to review your relationships up to this point and ask which type you have most attracted into your life.

Levelers will tell you what’s going on with them in a straightforward way, and they will listen to you compassionately if you level with them. They’re easy to be around, because they know that when people level with each other their natural love and goodness will come forth. They know that having a good time and helping others have a good time is what life’s all about. Every moment they get the same choice everybody else does–the choice between love and creating melodramas based on fear–and they choose love.

Blamers think you’re responsible for their pain, and won’t take any responsibility for the pain they create. They believe that the one who finds the most fault wins. You can’t win with a Blamer. They can even drive you crazy doubting yourself as they brain wash you into wondering: “hey, maybe he’s right – maybe I AM to blame here…I’ll try better next time”.  In which case you risk becoming a Placater.

Placaters are always looking to please, but it’s a desire to please that’s based on fear. They’re afraid of disapproval, so they do whatever they can to avoid it. Usually they sacrifice their relationship with themselves in the service of pleasing others, then they feel a deep resentment about the sacrifice. They are the chameleons of the relationship world…you never know quite what their true color is, nor do they.

Super-Reasonables are cut off from their feelings, believing that cool logic is the only way to operate. They pooh-pooh emotions, they’re convinced they’re right about all things, and they spend a lot of their time trying to convince you of it. They’re a pain to be around.

Distractors are always changing the subject and creating uproars. If they can’t win, they like to mess up the game so nobody else can. They believe the person who creates the biggest drama wins, regardless of who loses in the process. They’re also a pain to be around. Some people are combinations of two or more of the above.

Take Back Your Power

The point is, by midlife you need to take back your power, and say no from now on to a potential partner who might fall into any of the above types – unless he’s a Leveller.  Of course, look inside yourself too and make up your mind to balance Giving and Taking; and to admit where you have been guilty of acting like a Blamer, Placator, Distractor or Super-Reasonable.

TIPS FOR DATING AT 50+

Dating at 50+ can be as confusing and challenging for men as it is for you as a midlife woman.

Especially when you first find yourself newly single, divorced, widowed or separated after a longterm relationship.

Let’s face it, when you begin dating at midlife, you are generally starting a journey where your intended destination is finding a soul-mate to marry or begin a long-term relationship. Like many successful, goal-oriented women, you probably want a guaranteed guidebook to dating success. You ask for dating advice from friends or study dating articles in woman’s magazines. Not all of them are for women of a certain age.  But still – it’s like we’ve forgotten the basics.

Ultimately you want to know all the dating dos and don’ts. Many women feel as confused dating at 50+ as they did at seventeen. And for good reason.  Many married in their teens or early 20s and never had the experience of “playing the field”.

But don’t despair!

Simply recognize that’s it’s never too late to teach an old – errr that should read “mature” – dog new tricks. Like everything else in our golden years – we can choose to give up – or learn new ways.  Whether you are learning about the online world for the first time – including dating sites, Facebook and Twitter – or things like the pros and cons of  the iphone, ipods etc, you have a choice to get “with the 21st century” and upgrade your life skills.

Well, dating is no different. Simply recognize that a few courtship fundamentals change as we age, and understand how to compensate. Then your dating life will flourish.

As teens dating is all about chemistry and passion. Young people  naturally exude pheromones to attract the opposite sex. Their body language transmits sexuality, and hormones help them overcome shyness. Nature’s way is an enticement for them to reproduce, and they act accordingly without having to “relearn” the skills like midlifers.

For us, passion is tempered by maturity. Although many women long for love, sex, and companionship, hormones are no longer on automatic pilot as in years past. Older men are facing similar issues and concerns about their sexuality. Some may need encouragement and at the very least will be magnetized to a woman who looks friendly, happy and well groomed. Make the most of yourself.  This is not about criticizing yourself with negative self-talk about your weight or looks.  It’s about taking good care of yourself. And expecting the men you meet to be doing the same!

Remember too that older men may be a bit shy and need encouragement, especially if they are recently divorced or widowed.

Now go to Part 2 and read more tips!

You can mend your broken heart!

In the first few years of dating after I turned 50 and found myself divorced after 25 years marriage, I experienced fear, total lack of confidence and heartache.

So for anyone suffering the grief of a bust-up or dying relationship…I know what it’s like to feel ripped apart when dumped or parting from someone with whom you’ve shared love, companionship and intense feelings . Part of you may be saying “good riddance” but another part of you is also crying desolate tears of grief and abandonment.

Let me reassure you – you are not mad, incurable or the only one.  Celebrities and multi-millionaires suffer the same emotional heartache as you or me.  Every human, rich or poor, unknown or famous, has the potential to love – and thus be hurt.  It’s a universal malady, the subject of hundreds of love-lorn songs. And yet when it happens to you – it’s unique.

I know what it’s like to be “stuck” in the wrong relationship – yet feel powerless to leave.

I know what it feels like when a relationship ends messily and well-meaning friends and family tell you:

• He wasn’t good enough for you
• It’s for the best – you’ll see!
• Move on – you’ll get over him
• It’s not your fault – maybe he wasn’t ready to commit

I also know that if you don’t clear these damaging feelings – both in the NOW and from the PAST – they can ruin your chances of love in the future.

Let’s face it, almost everyone, at one time or another, is affected by a broken heart. But at the time it feels like it will never mend.

You long for a time when you will feel whole again, stop jealousy and obsessive thoughts and MOVE ON.

You want to feel balanced emotionally again, regain self-confidence and open the door to new love.

Attachment can look very similar to addiction as I said in a previous post. It’s frightening to realize that though you are a totally rational human being, love sickness can turn you delusional, obsessive or crazy. Every day, there are headlines in the paper about partners driven to acts of harm and desperation because of being rejected or overcome by jealousy.

If this sounds a bit like you, the best thing you can do is make a determined resolution NOT to  feed the attachment by focusing on your ex or holding out hope you’ll get back together. It won’t work and will not only drive them even further away but drive you crazy and keep you hooked into the pain.

Release yourself from the invisible chains or chords connecting you to your with these simple tools:

1. Use EFT tapping as used by many thousands of people to break free.  Say things about releasing, forgiving and letting go.  For example: “Even though I feel addicted to him, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.   Do a silent release every time you think of your ex, which may happen a lot at first. Say and tap “I release myself to my highest good”. And “I release you to your highest good.”

2. Refocus. Rather than continuing to focus on your lost love, turn your thoughts to something else. Starting with you. You may need to catch yourself often in the beginning but if you don’t you simply drag out your own pain. Instead, distract yourself with something fun, thoughts of the life you want, daydreaming about a better love. Start a Vision Journal.

3. Say an affirmation. Remind yourself that you will have more and better love (one that is mutual and easy) by telling yourself: “My Divine, compatible soulmate, who is completely available and perfect for me, is on the way now. I trust that he will love me as much as I love him!”

Love heartbreak can be as powerful as addiction to drugs like heroin and cocaine…

And equally difficult to break free from withdrawal.

New research into what happens in the brain when you are rejected  or break up after an intense relationship proves that you suffer withdrawal symptoms just like a drug addict – and it all happens in the “primitive brain”.

This explains why “breaking up is hard to do”.

Helen E. Fisher, PhD, of Rutgers University looked at MRI images from the brains of men and women who had recently broken up with a long-term partner. The images showed that the same areas of the brain were affected as those associated with addiction, reward, craving, and depression. According to Fisher, a neural pathway associated with physical pain and decision making is activated when someone is rejected, which is similar to nicotine or alcohol cravings.

The good news is that the love craving will heal with time. It helps to be proactive says Fisher. Don’t sit around moping – do something like chuck out all reminders of him and also reflect on lessons learned.

In my own experience as an energy healer I know that I can help love-addiction with Matrix Reimprinting with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). How? By going to the root cause in the part of the brain that stores early childhood programming about love and relationships.

AGE 0-6 IS KEY

I know that inevitably present-time heartache is linked to past experiences going back to early childhood. How we experienced love – or lack of it – in relationship with our parents and caregivers will replay in some way in our adult love life.

Take heart all you who feel stricken by heart-break.  There is a proven way to heal.  In my next post: Heartache Be Gone! I will share another excellent tool that can help.